Bullying Part 1

When Carter was in first grade, he was being bullied- by a fifth grader. I still remember the day that it happened. I had gone down to the school with his mom that day to pick him up; he climbed into the van and told us that he had to wait in the office that day. We were confused, and asked what had happened that he had to wait by himself. He explained that he had gotten too close to the person sitting next to him, and that person had slapped him. He told the teacher, and she told him that if he couldn’t handle sitting in the hallway, he should go sit in the office. Of course, it’s Carter so he moved away so he wouldn’t get in trouble.

You want to see two angry women; you should have been in that van. Carter did nothing wrong, and when he did the right thing- by going and getting a teacher. Instead helping, she dismissed it as tattling.

“Bullying can take on many forms, including name- calling, physical violence or social isolation. According to our survey, two in five children with autism have been bullied. For children with Asperger syndrome or high-functioning autism, this is even higher with nearly three in five parents reporting that their children have been bullied at school. This may be an underestimate: another recent study found that over 90 per cent of parents of children with Asperger syndrome reported that their child has been the target of bullying in the past year.”

-       http://www.autism.org.uk/bullyingengland

The Major Meltdown

This week there was an interesting meltdown with Carter. Carter and his younger sister Reagan were playing with a big plastic ball in the house and of course, the very worst happens. He threw the ball up; it hit a picture hanging on the wall and ended up bringing the whole thing crashing down. Carter’s immediate reaction? Not to say it wasn’t his fault, or to blame his sister. It was, in fact, to go into immediate meltdown mode- against himself.

After yelling and screaming for twenty minutes about how he was bad, should have known better and should be punished, he finally calmed down. After a long talk with him mom and dad about how accidents happen and it’s okay, life was okay again.

This was not the most epic of meltdowns for Carter. Sometimes however, they seem to come up out of the blue for the silliest things.

http://www.aspergersphere.com/2012/02/steps-to-managing-aspergers-meltdowns/ Recommends a couple different tactics that you could use to help calm a meltdown:

1. Control your own response.  The most important step you can take when your child is experiencing emotional difficulties is to maintain self-control.  Your ability to remain calm, patient, and kind during a meltdown is critical in defusing the situation – and it allows you to model self-control for your child, ultimately helping him to develop his own self-control skills.

2. Keep everyone safe.  If your child’s meltdown is compromising his safety or the safety of others, remove him from the place or situation and take other steps as needed to ensure safety and control.

3. Respond to your child (not the behavior).  Communicate to your child, verbally and nonverbally, that you are there for him.  Some children respond well to being held and comforted during a meltdown – others do not.  Do what works for your child. Don’t say anything about how the outburst is making you or others feel. Realize that there is nothing you can do to stop a rage cycle in progress – once it has started, your goal is simply to help your child regain his emotional equilibrium without feeling guilty, “bad”, or in any way diminished in your eyes or his own.

4. Keep your responses brief.  When your child is in the midst of a meltdown, words just become sensory static.  At that moment, your child’s ability to hear (let alone process) what you are saying is severely diminished.  You will get through to your child more effectively by keeping it short and to the point.  Try to keep your responses to five words or less – for example, say “We are leaving now” instead of giving a lengthy explanation about why your child’s behavior makes it necessary to leave.  Of course, be prepared to follow through immediately on everything you say.

5. Save any discussion for later.  Don’t try to discuss the meltdown, or provide coaching to your child, until he is in a calm, receptive mood.  This may be in half an hour, or perhaps even days later.  When you revisit the situation, help him come up with ways that he might handle the situation differently in the future, and reaffirm your love and support for him.

I wonder how well these would work in a meltdown situation.

The Doctor is In.

This week was Jackson’s 18-month check up! I cannot believe how big he is. While I was excited that he reached this important milestone, and happy by how big he’s grown, I also had reservations about the upcoming doctor’s appointment. It would be when the doctor would test him for autism.

As we walked into the doctors, his mom Cathy filled out the general forms and he was weighed and measured. The nurse gave Cathy an autism-screening sheet to fill out while we waited in the room for the doctor. We talked about the questions and laughed (nervously) about couple that were very much Jackson, while he ran around the room, or tried to climb up on the table.

 

The doctor came in and she smiled at Jackson. She sat down and started asking her typical doctor questions, and Cathy voiced her concern about his lack of development. The doctor watched Jackson as he went over to her and smiled, babbled at her for a little bit, tried to take her papers off of the chart.

She went through the questionnaire that Cathy filled out and discussed each one with us. Some of the ones that she discussed more in depth were

-does your child play properly with small toys?

-does your child sometimes stare at nothing or wander with no purpose?

These were the only two questions on the sheet that had answers that were positive indicators of autism. Fortunately, they were not significant in Jackson.

The big question that remained was why didn’t he talk? He really didn’t many words, or he would have words then lose them. The doctor explained that she thought that Jackson had what was an expressive language delay.

However, later looking this up later, I found that later in life this was sometimes also linked to autism! Will the questions ever end??

An expressive language delay sometimes can develop into an expressive language disorder.

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Expressive_language_disorder says:

Expressive language disorder means a child has difficulty with verbal and written expression of language. The child may have problems with producing sentences, recall of words and vocabulary. The cause is often unknown, although it may be associated with other developmental difficulties such as Down syndrome, autism or hearing loss. A speech pathologist usually assesses and treats this impairment.

Jackson’s parents will have to continue to be very proactive about getting him to say words, trying to get him to develop his vocabulary and catch up to other children his age.

Baby Jackson

At what age do children with autism begin to display symptoms? I often find myself asking these questions in my head as I watch my nephew, Jackson, play. He is almost 18 months old, and as someone who knows when babies should start saying words, playing with toys, and in general- developing, I have some concerns. These are not just being a silly, over protective, aunt concerns. His older brother Carter was diagnosed with Aspersers last year at the age of 7. As I watch him play, there is such a similarity between the two, sometimes it’s scary.

I went online to do some research, and have found quite a few opposing views. Some say not to worry, and others say get him tested! Autism is not a wait-and-see friendly approach!

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/autism_signs_symptoms.htm is a wonderful website that draws out and explains many concerns. They provide a list of several of the symptoms to watch for, or 'warning' signs.

• Doesn’t make eye contact (e.g. look at you when being fed).
• Doesn't smile when smiled at.
• Doesn't respond to his or her name or to the sound of a familiar voice.
• Doesn’t follow objects visually.
• Doesn't point or wave goodbye or use other gestures to communicate.
• Doesn’t follow the gesture when you point things out.

• Doesn’t make noises to get your attention.
• Doesn’t initiate or respond to cuddling.
• Doesn’t imitate your movements and facial expressions.
• Doesn’t reach out to be picked up.
• Doesn’t play with other people or share interest and enjoyment.
• Doesn’t ask for help or make other basic requests.

Their pediatrician will test him at his 18 month checkup, simply because of his older brother. But how will she be able to tell in a fifteen minute window of something that took several months or years to diagnose in his brother?

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1895357,00.html Time Magazine has as an excellent article on this. It explains how babies are sometimes put in an “at risk” category. Unfortunately, with a wait and see approach it’s something that often gets overlooked. Then when it comes time for treatment, you’ve already lost so much valuable time. Even if the time comes where he is technically cleared, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop watching him and wondering.